It Figures

Texas Cowboy A young cowboy from Texas goes off to college, but half way through the semester, he has foolishly squandered all his money. He calls home. "Dad," he says, "You won't believe what modern education is developing! They actually have a program here in Laramie that will teach our dog, Ol' Blue how to talk!" "That's amazing," his Dad says. "How do I get Ol' Blue in that program?" "Just send him down here with $1,000" the young cowboy says. "I'll get him in the course." So, his father sends the dog and $1,000. About two-thirds through the semester, the money again runs out. The boy calls home. "So how's Ol' Blue doing, son," his father asks. "Awesome, Dad, he's talking up a storm," he says, "but you just won't believe this - they've had such good results they have started to teach the animals how to read!" "Read!" says his father, "No kidding! How do we get Blue in that program?" "Just send $2,500, I'll get him in the class." The money promptly arrives. But our hero has a problem. At the end of the year, his father will find out the dog can neither talk, nor read. So he shoots the dog. When he arrives home at the end of the year, his father is all excited. "Where's Ol' Blue? I just can't wait to see him read something, and talk!" "Dad," the boy says, "I have some grim news. Yesterday morning, just before we left to drive home, Ol' Blue was in the living room, kicked back in the recliner, reading the Wall Street Journal, like he usually does. Then he turned to me and asked, 'So, is your daddy still messing' around with that little redhead who lives in town?' " The father exclaimed, "I hope you shot that liar before he talks to your Mother!" "I sure did, Dad!" "That's my boy!" The kid went on to be a successful lawyer.

It Figures

Modern medicine is amazing. I know somewhere in some dental school, there is a young dental student that one day will discover a way to do a root canal with a vapor or a beam of some sort. Gone will be the pain of the old root canal, the endless drilling and filing on one’s nerve roots. Just like a few years ago some young doctor or doctor-to-be invented a way to give a flu vaccine with just a squeeze of a vapor into one’s nostrils. The kicker will be that just like the flu vapor, the new root canal will be for those under 40. I say that because this past Thursday, my lovely wife had a doctor’s appointment. We see the same doctor. She asked if I could accompany her to this appointment and of course, being the loving husband that I am, I went cheerfully. I like sitting in the waiting room and reading two-year old issues of National Geographic and seeing how dated the ads are on each page. The articles though are usually timeless and quite interesting and as will usually happens, I start an article and get to the exciting part and the door into the doctor’s office creaks open, the nurse cheerfully calls Nellie and Nellie says, “Come with me!” I think about taking the magazine with me, but then that would be rude to not carry on a conversation with Nellie or the doctor or nurse so I toss the magazine on the table. Once inside, the nurse says, “It’s great both of you are here because I know neither of you has had your flu shots yet!” What? asks the man morbidly afraid of needles? I think what Pat said just last Wednesday, “I get sick with the flu shot.” I’ve only had one two years ago, but I spent two days in bed immediately after the shot. I can hear the television and radio ad that says that one in a hundred will still get the flu and I believe that to be me, but arguing with the nurse or my wife will do me no good. I can’t kick and scream like I used to do when younger. I must take my shot like a man. Sad thing is that this nurse is good. She never hurts me with any of the injections I’ve received from her.

Friday came and I thought for sure I would be unable to get out of bed because I was sick. Nope. I was fine. Okay, it will be Saturday. No, wrong again. I gave up thinking it would make me sick. Now folks can cough and sneeze all they want and I feel invincible, but I still keep my distance.

So, go on dental student invent that vapor or beam. And make it for those younger than forty or fifty. You won’t hurt my feelings. It’ll be my gums that will hurt.

What can we invent to help spread the Rotary germ? And I mean this in a positive way of getting others to see what we see in our organization, that germ of service, sacrifice, and selfless devotion to others? Will it take a young doctor to be to come up with something along these lines? No, it will take us. Just to say a kind word about our club and what we stand for. And our age doesn’t matter.

Rotary shares,

President Eddie